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February 6, 2017

This week I have chosen a photo that makes me very proud. It takes me back to my carefree younger days when I was backpacking around New Zealand. I had travelled out to New Zealand and was slowly making my way from the North to the South island, stopping at quaint towns and beautiful beaches along the way. I knew that I wanted to push myself outside of my comfort zone and had a list of things that I wanted to 'tick off'. If I'm honest, I really didn't really believe I would have the guts to actually see them through! 


I think courage is the theme of this week and it rings true to how I'm feeling at the moment. I'm 31 weeks pregnant and starting to feel a little scared about labour and childbirth. I've been so calm up until this point and haven't properly thought about it. Now 'the fear' has started creeping in! 


This photo is of me skydiving 12,000ft over Lake Taupo.


I still can't believe I did it. 


I still remember the immense fear as the instructor and I moved towards the planes open door. I was hung out of the door like a rag doll whilst my instructor sat at the door opening preparing to throw us out of the plane. 


3.....2......1 and we were free falling 12,000ft through the air! My heart was beating so fast that I felt like my heart might pop out of my chest.


When I really start to panic about how I am going to cope in labour, I try and think about this moment. Never in a million years did I think I would be able to throw myself out of a plane.....but I did.


I'm not comparing childbirth to skydiving, that would be silly but I'm using moments of bravery in my life to give me the courage to face childbirth with strength and determination. I have no idea what lies ahead but I want to have a strong mental attitude when the time comes. Fear is such a powerful human emotion and it can really mess with your head. Fear of the unknown can lead to feelings of dread and anxiety which might be what I'm feeling at the moment. It's such a mixed bag as I'm beyond excited about meeting Baby B but getting to that moment scares me. 

I'm going to try and remember moments in my life where I've faced a fear, found courage or achieved something I thought was impossible as I know my next challenge will be my biggest achievement to date.....I definitely don't want fear to get in the way!



Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings. If you fancy following my journey then please subscribe (I will do a tiny dance) and check me out on twitter @onecluelessmuma.... and Instagram @one_clueless_mumma






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